Categories
Leftneck Jesus

Republicans Continue To Crucify

So on the observation of my crucifixion, I would like to take a few moments to reflect on the irony of republicans, who worship me, but continue to crucify the people emulating my teachings. It just feels like they are the type who read the cliff notes but not the book. They go to church because it is the right or smart thing to do in the United States, like buying a Toyota or a Honda, not for my bleeding-heart liberal ideas. They only show up on holy days and leave right after Communion (if it is celebrated).

They pray to me for high profit margins, wealth, and power. Tight little mullet-headed preachers have convinced their sheeple that the prosperity gospel is somehow Christian. It is not! I do not care about your profit margin. I only care about your business if you are providing well paying jobs with benefits and rights. I do not want you to be rich, again-have you ever read the Bible (Matthew 19:24 & 6:24, Timothy 6:10)?

The republicans oppose me in the current debates in the congress and in the country. I’m to the left of universal healthcare. I’m still upset with President Obama for not pushing through a single payer program when democrats had control. I mean, if the Tea-Necks are going to call you a socialist, regardless of the law, you might as well get something in the deal. And just a note of warning to the Tea-Necks…do not waste your time praying to me if you get sick. You will have better luck praying to the republican leadership for some of their plush, socialistic, government healthcare.

I want cuts to defense spending and weapons systems not education and teachers. I want gays and lesbians to be able to get married and divorced…just like republicans. I want the top 1% to pay 50% in taxes…at least. I want my religion taught and observed in churches or homes not in schools or courtrooms. I want my beautiful mothers, wives, and daughters to have the same opportunities, the same pay, and the same dignity. I want the liberals, longhairs, and hippies to follow me not these conservative chode-ass republicans.

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Categories
Leftneck Jesus

Ann Coulter: Please Put Down The Crack Pipe

One of the main reasons I have revealed myself at this moment in time is to combat the lies told by modern day Pharisees. Ann Coulter might just be the Queen of these Pharisees. I recently laughed my way through her right-wing version of history at ChodePAC 2011.

In her tweaker-blonde version of history, Iraq is a republican success story, and the revolution in Egypt is an Obama/democratic failure. Of course, she forgot to mention some of the best details…

She chides democrats for not supporting democracy in the Middle East because they were against the war in Iraq. Apparently she thinks democracy was the reason we invaded Iraq? I remember a lot of “reasons” given by the Bush Administration…democracy was never high on the list.

As if that is not revisionist bullshit enough- she throws in the old, “gassed his own people” routine. She forgets to tell the ChodePAC audience that Saddam was on our team when he “gassed” his people. And by our team, I mean team Reagan! She also fails to mention that the United States was the only member of the United Nations Security Council to vote against the declaration on Iraqi chemical weapons in March 1986. And what about the fact that her boy Reagan continued to funnel money to Iraq, even after the reports of the gassing of Kurds?

The next absurdity is the WMD claim. One really has to love the people who still cling to the lies of the Bush Administration…even after the administration and the architects have walked away from their marketing plan (WMD, Iraq’s involvement in 9-11, etc…). That is the problem with the fairy tails told by Pharisees…their Faux News audience continues to believe in them. According to a 2007 Newsweek poll on American’s knowledge of history, 41% of Americans still believed that Saddam and Iraq were directly involved in the 9-11-2001 attacks. 41%!

The only validity to her claim is that after 8 years of searching every inch of the country we have found minute remnants of chemical weapons…most likely from the Reagan-supported years. Ironically, North Korea and Iran have moved closer to becoming nuclear states while we combed the desert (“we ain’t found shit”) for trace amounts of WMD. The fact that she would brag about the nanogram of WMD we found, while looking for stockpiles, is the equivalent of the DEA being proud of a major marijuana raid in which they found remnants of a seed…busted!

Coulter and the right-wingers do not care about the loss of innocent lives so I will just look at the cost of the war in Iraq compared to Egypt. Pay attention Tea-necks. Thanks to the Crizzletians at the National Priorities Project we can get an updated cost of the fiasco in Iraq. Every time the number increases by $100 a Tea-necker gets tea-bagged!

This does not matter to Coulter because Egypt is an ally (i.e. we paid Mubarak $60 Billion to have peace with Israel). This seems to be her main concern…that we will not be able to payoff and dictate our will on the new Egyptian government. She seems to believe that since American troops were involved in Iraq, the outcome is guaranteed to be in the favor of the US. This is an obvious stretch considering the newfound influence of Shia Iran over Shia Iraq. Either scenario is ultimately out of our control. Egypt could stay a military dictatorship or become an Islamic Republic…and so could Iraq!

Sure, Saddam was a ruthless dictator and the US should have never been on his side (thanks Reagan!) but why was he any different than the Saudis, North Koreans, or the Iranians? And what about the republican deal with the devil in Saudi Arabia? Why do we allow the Saudis to breed such resentment towards the US? Why was it more important to deflect criticism of the royal family than it was to prevent the Saudi terrorists from attacking us on September 11th? If you listen real close I’m sure you can hear a 41%’er saying, “they were Iraqi”…

You know she is hitting the pipe when she brings up Reagan’s involvement with Afghanistan and the Mujahideen…as something positive. Just like Saddam, the Mujahideen (Bin Laden) was well funded by Reagan and they would repay him for his involvement 20 years later. So the problems in Iraq and Afghanistan can be directly traced back to shortsighted republican policy. Reagan and the republicans loved the Afghans because they were ultimately just right-wing fanatics believing in a different myth. At least they were just terrorists…not communists.

The one controversy at ChodePAC 2011 was the inclusion of the conservative gay group GOProud (Stockholm Syndrome?). Coulter is a fan of GOProud and says that she is a friend of the gays. I’m wondering if Ann Coulter is gay…not that there’s anything wrong with that as it were. Actually, it would be the one cool thing about her. If not, what is she the 50 year-old virgin? Since she has been engaged several times but never married (classic lesbian) your faithful editor has to assume that she has never had premarital sex.

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Categories
Leftneck Jesus

Ronald Reagan: Patron Saint Of The Tea Party?

So with all of the celebrations and Sarah Palin speeches in honor of what would have been Ronald Reagan’s 100th birthday, I thought I would take the time to punk some Tea-necks (you know how I roll). See, I do not think Reagan could get elected by the Tea Party because he would not be Reagan-enough for them. Since it is obvious that the Tea Party did not pay much attention to deficits, taxes, or even politics until January 2009-the following is a quick summary of what might upset them about Reaganomics…

We know the deficit is the one thing the Tea-neckers hate more than Obama and the government. If they paid attention during the 80’s they would have remembered the debate over deficits. George H. W. Bush called Reaganomics “Voodoo Economics” because it would have taken a Voodoo Priest to prevent the huge tax cuts from increasing the deficit. Your boy Reagan won the debate but not the war.

H. W. Bush had to raise taxes to fix the Reagan mistake. It cost him his job. Clinton also had to raise taxes to fix the Reagan mistake. He was reelected, balanced the budget, and erased the federal deficit (Tea Party ♥ Clinton?). Clinton left office with a $236 billion surplus and a projected 10-year surplus of $5.6 trillion.

Dubya was selected and came to Washington determined to spend the surplus and run deficits, because as Dick Cheney famously said, “Reagan proved deficits don’t matter.” In Dick’s defense, he meant deficits don’t matter as long as a white republican is the president. Bush left office with a $1.2 trillion deficit and projected shortfalls of $3.1 trillion for the next decade.

President Obama inherited the Bush $1.2 trillion deficit and the Tea Party formed the following night. All of the sudden the evil deficit was endangering the future of all of the little rednecks…and even the futures of all of their little rednecks. The 2009 deficit was $1.4 trillion and it was $1.3 trillion last year. If you have short-term memory issues and have already forgotten, Obama started with a $1.2 trillion deficit.

The Reagan tax cuts of 1981 and 1986 reduced the top income tax rate from 70% to 28% and reduced revenue by $1.48 trillion. The Reagan tax increases of 1982 and 1984 combined for the biggest tax increase ever enacted during peacetime. The total tax increases equaled $1.5 trillion by 1989. Reagan redistributed wealth by cutting income taxes (the rich) and raising payroll and gas taxes (harder on middle class and poor). Republicans love to cry about wealth redistribution whenever tax cuts for the rich are discussed, but they are okay with redistribution as long as it flows from the middle class and poor up to the rich.

I realize this information will not make a difference to the Tea-necks because facts and reality do not seem to be important requisites to them or republicans in general. They will continue to ignore the fact that their hero Reagan actually raised their taxes and the socialist Obama actually cut them! They will continue to praise Reagan for running deficits and continue to protest Obama for the same. And most important of all- they will continue to worship your faithful editor, even though I am a self-proclaimed bleeding heart liberal.

JayZ quote

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Categories
Leftneck Jesus

Welcome To Ohia

Gov. John Kasich (R-OH) is paying his top staff members significantly more than the previous administration, but his total office payroll is $300,000 less.  He is cutting the total payroll by eliminating eight positions and decreasing the pay of his lowest staff members.  Yes, you read that correctly, his fiscal conservatism only applies to administrative assistants, receptionists, and mail clerks.John Kasich

Kasich is paying his Chief of Staff $170,000 which is $47,000 more than former Gov. Strickland’s Chief of Staff.  He created a special position for his crony from Lehman Brothers that pays $25,000 more than Strickland’s Chief Legal Counsel.  His Communications Director is earning $31,000 more and his Press Secretary will get a $20,000 increase.

So the $120,000 raise he gave to his top people needed to be offset with some cutting on the low end-as it were.  He eliminated eight positions at a time when Ohio’s unemployment level is hovering near ten percent.  One administrative assistant is going from $35,000 per year to $23,000 and another is taking a $5000 hit.  The two mail clerks have had their pay reduced from $31,990 and $27,997 to $25,000 per year.  His receptionist will be making $1000 less this year thanks to the sharp-eyed salary cutter!

Kasich has defended the huge increases by saying that in order to get the best people he has to compete with the private sector.  This is totally ironic because he also said that government workers are paid more than their private sector counterparts…apparently just the low-enders.  Furthermore, most of his top staff members have experience in government not the private sector!  The one exception is Jai Chabria, his crony from Lehman.

Administrative Assistant: “Sorry I’m not the best and brightest Gov. Kasich.  I also planned to go to Ohio State after I graduated, but my parents didn’t have enough money to put me through college.”

Gov. Kasich: “Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.”

Kasich Communication Department: http://blogs.dixcdn.com/capitalblog/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Fact-Sheet-Gov-Office-Payroll-1.12.11.pdf

Old vs. New Staff Budget: http://www.scribd.com/doc/46778323/Old-vs-New-Staff-Budget

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Categories
Leftneck Jesus

Merry Crizzlemas!

Categories
Leftneck Jesus

The New Opiate Of The Masses

It cracks me up that 40% of Americans support a tax cut that only 2% will receive.  The republicans have convinced Bubba that he should support tax breaks for the rich because he might be rich someday.  Guess what Bubba-you are not going to be rich-so please start voting your reality and not the republican dream.

To make sure Bubba is just confused enough-the republicans always point to small business owners.  Again, guess what Bubba-small business owners do not make $200,000 per year.  In fact, the only time a “small business” is making that amount of money is when it is a multinational corporation masquerading as small business for the tax breaks.

Just like Bubba I plan to be rich someday-I’m just not banking on the tax cut while I’m not.  And when I am…I will gladly pay whatever taxes I owe so that I can punk Bubba and tell him that I pay more in taxes than he makes!  That’s for you Tiny!

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Categories
Leftneck Jesus

Dancing With America

Mrs. Crizzle watches “Dancing With the Stars” and she is suddenly feeling the Palin effect.  She is not as political as your boy-so I will admit that it’s kind of nice to have her deal with the Palin freaks for once.  I do not watch the show, but from what I can gather, the Tea-necks have taken over the public voting segment.  Week after week Bristol Palin has the lowest scores, and week after week the Tea-necks vote for her and cut a more qualified dancer.  My bride blames the scoring system because it gives equal influence to the scores of the professional judges and the unprofessional voting public (de Tocqueville anybody?).  I see a more direct correlation at work.   

For me, it is the perfect analogy for Palin, the Tea-necks, and conservative America in general.  See, they know Bristol is not the best dancer, but they vote for her because of her “real-American” mom and her conservative values (you know-abstinence after pregnancy!).  They do not care that Sarah Palin is not even close to being qualified for my local school board-let alone the presidency.  They support her because she is one of them-you know, ignorant!  They criticize our president as being clueless while they praise the intellectually incurious Palin and her incoherent clichés. 

Since we know that they are not voting for her dancing skills we must consider the irony of conservatives endorsing an unemployed single mother.  Somehow it does not matter to these hypocrites that Bristol had a baby out of wedlock and is not even with the father…I’m sure it would if she were a black teenager or the teenage daughter of Nancy Pelosi.  Where is Dan Quayle with his condemnation?  Instead of disapproval, Bristol is touted as an abstinence only spokeswoman.  Again-abstinence looks good on you…not me.  It’s like Tommy Chong telling kids not to burn the herb…because he got busted-not because he believes it!  Just like all of the other conservative hypocrisy…their rules only apply to others (you know-liberals, democrats, etc…).

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Categories
Leftneck Jesus

de Tocqueville Was Right

de Tocqueville was right, Americans really are too stupid to govern themselves. Go ahead and call me an elitist-I am smarter than you. For proof, one needs to look no further than the Commonwealth of Kentucky on Tuesday night.

Alexis de Tocqueville
Alexis de Tocqueville

Let me ground my elitism by saying that I have a great love and appreciation for the Bluegrass State and her people. I feel as comfortable in a hollow (holler) in southern Kentucky as I do in the holy city of Bethlehem. I know quite a few people in Kentucky and they all seem to have one thing in common, the government dole.

They are on Medicare or Medicaid (1 in 5). They are on Welfare and their kids eat for free at school thanks to Head Start or the socialist lunch program. They are in the military or they are retired and go to the VA for their medicine. They get SSI Disability checks ($1 Billion per year!) and spend them at the local Wal-Mart. They are farmers who depend on federal subsidies to work the land of their father’s father.

They live in trailers up in hollers, chain smoke cigarettes, dip, chew, and have coffee brewing all throughout the day. They bootleg alcohol in dry counties and the kids smoke meth instead of that good ol’ Kentucky dank. They vote republican!

Rand PaulSomebody needs to tell them that their world is about to change. Not because of the socialist-Muslim president, who they fear so much, but because of their Senator-elect Rand Paul. Dr. Paul does not believe that the government has any business in medicine or education or really anywhere else. I do not want to address the merits of his beliefs (except to point out his blatant hypocrisy for accepting Medicaid funds as an eye surgeon in KY) because this is more a critique of the electorate than the candidate.

How can a citizenry, so dependent on the government, elect a senator vowing to abolish said government? What are the people of Kentucky going to do when the Tea-necks start gutting programs that entire hollers, cities, and counties rely on for survival?

Sorry sir, your Medicare card is no longer valid…but at least you have your country back!

Alexis de Tocqueville quote

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Categories
Leftneck Jesus

Extreme MediocriTEA

The other troubling aspect of the TEA Party is the extreme mediocrity of their candidates.  Again-if a liberal, democrat, or dad-forbid a black guy made any of the gaffes of say Christine O’donnell- they would have been mocked, ridiculed, and forced out of the race weeks ago.  But since she is a conservative, white, Tea Partier (you know real American) her troubles only seem to make her more authentic…not totally unfit for public office.Mediocri-TEA

Or how about Joe Miller-you know the hypocrite taking advantage of all of the governmental programs that he calls “unconstitutional”.  Could you imagine the utter outrage if a democratic senatorial candidate had his private police force arrest a journalist for asking a question?  Tea Party necks would have been exasperated by the thuggery of such socialists (or communists or fascists-they are interchangeable you know?)!  Freedom of the press-the Bill Of Rights-I think that might be in the constitution-quick, somebody check with Christine O’donnell…

Just imagine how hard Fox “news” would have been pushing the story of Carl Paladino’s bestiality porn emails, if he were the liberal democratic candidate from New York.   What about his famous “I’ll take you out” remark to a reporter-where were the Oath Keepers?  Why didn’t they stage a rally outside Paladino’s office to keep him from infringing on the freedom of the press-guaranteed by the first amendment to the United States Constitution?

And last but certainly not least we have Rich Iott from Ohio.  He is the Tea Party chode who likes to dress up like a Nazi.  So how does that work exactly-the Tea Party hates all things Nazi-but they have a candidate who likes to dress up and pretend he is a Nazi?  I’m used to the Tea Party hypocrisy and bullshizzle by now- but Really Tea necks…REALLY?

The fact that I’m even aware of these crackpots is testament to the double standard at play within the Tea Party and conservative politics.  Not only have they not been forced out of their respective races but some might actually win.  The same people, who mock a constitutional law professor for not knowing the Constitution, support Christine O’donnell and her total ignorance of the Constitution.

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Categories
Leftneck Jesus

Tea Party And Oath Keepers MIA 2000-2008

I have had one underlying question since the inception of the Tea Party, Oath Keepers, and the resurgence of the militia movements; where were they from 2000-2008?  This seems to be a legitimate question that nobody within the movements can or wants to answer.

This is not (as some might characterize) an attempt to call anyone who does not like president Obama or his policies a racist.  Although there is little doubt that there are racist members of all of the groups in question (based on member comments on websites, signs at rallies, and the sudden need to protect the constitution from the very things the prior administration did at will) I believe Barack Obama happens to be the perfect storm of a “liberal”, a democrat, and a black guy.

For some reason the groups did not find it necessary to form when King Dubya was playing cowboy with the constitution that they claim to hold so dear.  Here is a short reminder of Bush-era accomplishments that did not trouble the Tea Party, Oath Keepers, or militia-necks:

1.  Patriot Act

Violated 1st and 4th Amendments of the U.S. Constitution and was found to be unconstitutional in court.  Unconstitutional-oh no here comes the Tea Party?

2.  Military Commisions Act of 2006

Supreme Court ruled it an unconstitutional encroachment of habeas corpus rights.  Here comes the Oath Keepers?

3.  NSA Warrantless Surveillance

Executive order to spy without a warrant!  This is number 2 on the Oath Keepers “Orders We Will Not Obey” list.  Apparently it was an order they would obey during the Bush administration?

4.  Authorization for use of Military Force Against Terrorists (AUMF)

Bush issued a Presidential Military Order to detain so called enemy combatants.  This is number 3 on the Oath Keepers “Orders We Will Not Obey”.

5.  Unfunded Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan

Bush and the Republicans did not include the $1 Trillion dollar costs of the wars under the military budget but instead tried to hide the costs in supplemental funding bills.  That is $1 Trillion BORROWED dollars for all of the people crying about deficits for healthcare.

6.  Medicare Prescription Drug Benefit

Socialized Medicine?  Entitlement?  Projected cost of $550 Billion!  The year was 2003 and the Tea Party was…?

7.  2002 Farm Bill Subsidies

The total was $170 Billion over ten years (twice the cost of your tax dollars than any other farm bill in history).  The year was 2002…7 full years before this would be considered socialism by the Tea Party.

8.  No Child Left Behind

The American Association of School Administrators (AASA) opposed the legislation because of…wait for it… its expansion of the federal government’s role in education.  The AASA had an issue with the expansion of government but the Tea Party was okay with it.

9.  Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP)

Signed into law by President GEORGE W. BUSH on October 3, 2008.  Surely the Tea Party formed the very next day-hahahahaha?  I would be willing to bet the lot that a majority of Tea Party members think Obama signed TARP.  Seriously-how much do you want to lose?

10.  John Yoo (DOJ Office of Legal Counsel-GWB 2001-2003)

Yoo helped develop the legal justification for the detention of enemy combatants, torture, the policy declaring that the president is not bound by the war crimes act, and for warrantless wiretapping.  Mr. Yoo seemingly violated the Oath Keepers “Orders We Will Not Obey” numbers 2, 3, 4, 7, and 10.  Surely the Oath Keepers formed right after Mr. Yoo’s work surfaced-hahahahaha?

I’m sure I could go to 20, 30, or 40 but I think the 10 examples above are enough to prove my point and to help call into question the timing of the Tea Party, Oath Keepers, etc.  Where were they during the signing of the socialized Farm Bill?  Why did John Yoo not send them running to recite their oath to the constitution?  Why didn’t the militia-necks stage mock exercises and rallies when Bush signed the Patriot Act?  Any single example above should be enough to trump anything the Obama administration has done so far or even dreamed of doing (off in their underground socialist Mosque-of course!).

Timing is everything-it looks like the democrats will get crushed in a couple of weeks and we will see if these movements stay true to their  so-called principles (as their candidates takeover) or if like the militia movements from the Clinton years-they silently go back home until the next “liberal” is selected?

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus