Leftneck Jesus


I seem to keep having the same discussions with conservatives, so I decided to just write this as a response to the 5 most common arguments made by conservatives. Since most conservatives have become political scientists as of January 2009, it is very likely that you have also encountered the following conservative arguments. They usually occur on Politico, or CNN, or some other non-Fox News source where the conservative does not know how to process actual criticism of Republicans. They literally cannot handle the truth. In response, the conservative will bring up one of the following arguments.

1. KKK, Democrats, and Robert Byrd

Every time there is an article about the KKK, or racism and politics, or a mention of current Republicans and racism, a conservative cannot resist the urge to travel back in time. The argument goes something like this…the KKK was started by Democrats and Robert Byrd was in the KKK and was a Democrat. And therefore Democrats are the actual racists. Like most conservative arguments it has a little bit of truth surrounded by years of half-truths, innuendo, and outright lies. In this case, the conservative trick is to go back 65 years when the parties, platforms, and constituents were different. What they do not want to acknowledge is that Republicans were the party of big government, the party of Lincoln, and even the party of slaves. Some Republicans were even liberal. Then with the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 white Dixiecrats left the Democrats and joined the Republicans, making what we know as the Republican base today. PolitiFact addressed the validity of this argument: 

As for Robert Byrd staying a Democrat when others fled the party, it seems he was sorry and realized he was wrong, telling the Washington Post in 2005, “I know now I was wrong. Intolerance had no place in America. I apologized a thousand times . . . and I don’t mind apologizing over and over again. I can’t erase what happened.”

2. Conservative Republicans and Conservative Iranians

Conservatives are all over this current argument since Tehran Tom Cotton and his 47 saboteurs sent a letter to the Iranians. This argument, commonly found in the comment sections of any article on politics, comes down to a fundamental lack of understanding about liberals and conservatives. The argument goes something like this…since liberals support a peaceful resolution and deal with Iran, then liberals agree with (or sound like) our enemy. The only people against a deal with Iran are the conservatives…whether in Iran, or in the US, or in Israel. And the terrorists, or enemies the conservatives fear the most, are actually the most conservative. The terrorists are right wing conservatives who hate liberals…just like American conservatives. ISIS and Al Qaeda are both conservative right wing groups…they are not liberal. They do not sound like liberals and liberals definitely do not sound like them. They sound like conservatives…they sound like you.

3. The Real Jobs Numbers

It is funny how many conservative arguments are based on things that have always happened, but that they did not care about until January 2009. Presidential vacations and presidential golf are good examples of this argument, but the best example is the real jobs numbers. The argument goes something like this…whenever the jobs numbers are released with good numbers conservatives cannot wait to be the first or hundredth comment about how the jobs numbers are not, “the real jobs numbers.” If they are bad then obviously it is because of President Obama. Again, like a lot of conservative urban legends this has an ounce of truth and twenty pounds of bullshit. The little bit of truth is that the jobs numbers calculations are not completely accurate because they do not count people who have stopped looking for work. The load of bullshit is the fact that the numbers were calculated the same way when Bush and Republicans were losing 100,000+ jobs per month. Remember all of the conservative political scientists commenting on how the real jobs numbers were actually way worse than what the Bush administration was releasing? Yeah, me neither…

4. Ted Cruz For President

Only in America, and only in Republican politics, could you find such ironic justice as Ted Cruz for President. This argument is the classic case of brown American-born man is not eligible to be president, but Canadian-born Hispanic with a Cuban father is. Let me make this argument easy for you…if you think Canada Cruz can be president because his mom was a U.S. citizen…then it does not matter if President Obama was born in Mecca-he would, by the exact reasoning, also be eligible to be president because of his mom. This conservative argument basically admits that the entire Birther movement was about racism…eh!

5. But But But Soros

This conservative argument is a guaranteed response to any mention of the Koch Brothers and their purchasing of our government. Like a lot of conservative arguments this is the classic case of well it does not matter what any given Republican or conservative might be doing because surely a Democrat or a liberal has done something similar. The “I know you are but what am I?” argument goes something like this…it does not matter if the Koch Brothers own our government because, you know, George Soros gives money too. This is a common problem among conservative arguments where they cannot address the issue with a specific Republican because they always try to find an equivalent Democrat. It would not matter if Koch Industries started their own line of abortion clinics, the conservative response would immediately be, well, what about Soros and the Democrats. So in the year 2025 as we march as work slaves in the Koch States of America, in the distance, you will hear delusional Republicans still uttering but, but, but Soros…

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Leftneck Jesus

Clarence Thomas And Herman Cain: The Only Two Black Men To Have Ever Experienced Racism In America

Conservatives and republicans in general are “playing the race card” in the current Herman Cain scandal. Really, I’m writing about Herman Cain, Really? Now I must admit that I hate the phrase “playing the race card” because it is usually something said by a conservative in response to a legitimate concern by a minority. It is extremely appropriate in this case, however, because it is only the second time in known history that conservatives are concerned about racism towards a black man.

The first known case of racism in America was during the confirmation of embattled Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Anita Hill accused him of sexual harassment while he was her supervisor at the Department of Education and the EEOC. Thomas chalked it up to a “high-tech lynching for uppity blacks” and conservatives have used it ever since as a way of accusing liberals of racism.

The second and current black man to deal with racism in America is republican presidential nominee Herman Cain. Politico broke the story that at least two women accused him of sexual harassment when he was the head of the National Restaurant Association. He first denied any knowledge, then remembered some details, then changed some details, and then changed a few more.

As soon as the report was public, conservatives were calling it “racism” and a “high-tech lynching” by the liberal media. Here are some recent headlines from the right wing news website Drudge Report: Herman Cain: The Attacks On Me Are Racially Motivated… RUSH: ‘Unconscionable Racially Charged Attack’… Coulter: ‘They Are Terrified Of Strong, Conservative Black Men’… FLASHBACK: ‘I’M READY FOR HIGH-TECH LYNCHING’…

Which is a hilarious reaction considering their history and their usual take on serious racism, i.e. “playing the race card.” How about the racist Tea Party signs…race card, watermelon and chicken jokes about President Obama…race card, birth certificate…race card, lack of decorum (“you lie”) towards President Obama…race card, obsession with Michelle Obama’s clothes, diet, and hair…race card, race card, race card. But anything negative towards a black conservative is blatant racism? It’s like they see everything through this race card mentality and when they finally have a black conservative to defend they’re like it is on…race card, what!

One of the funniest parts of this story for me has been reading the right wing comments…you know of the racist liberals hating black conservatives for being black. I mean are they fucking dense?! We do hate conservative blacks, like Clarence Thomas and Herman Cain, because they have Stockholm Syndrome and are conservative republicans, not because they are black. As a matter of fact, I would go so far as to say that being black is the only thing they have going for them!

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Leftneck Jesus

Why Do Right Wing Conservative Christians Hate Right Wing Conservative Muslims?

For as long as I can remember, I have been a liberal. My core beliefs and values have not changed, from my days back in Nazareth 2000 years ago, to my resurrection as a leftneck in the 1970’s. So you might say that I have what the conservatives like to call a liberal bias. I admit it. I’m a lefty, a socialist, a communist, etc. My liberal beliefs are not constrained by borders, race, religion, or really anything at all. I think that is one of the main distinctions between liberals and conservatives; the liberal philosophy is universal, whereas the conservative attitude is self-serving, hypocritical, and ultimately changes according to borders, race, religion, and which political party is in control.

I support the liberal left throughout the world. If I still lived in Israel I would be protesting the settlements and pushing for human rights for the Palestinians. Even if I were so unfortunate as to have to live in Gaza- I would endorse peace and recognize the Jewish State of Israel. I believe my daughters deserve the same justice, education, and quality of life as any man, and would believe so if I lived in the darkest cave in Afghanistan! I agree with the anti-war left in Europe, the social left in Canada, the Liberal Democratic Party of Iran has my vote, and so does every other liberal party or movement in the world. Let us contrast my worldwide liberalism with the situation specific conservatism.

I think we should start with the thing that conservatives value most…money. The conservatives (i.e. republicans) are the party of the rich. They believe that the rich worked hard and deserve everything they have, but they constantly single out wealthy liberals (i.e. democrats) as being elitist and out of touch. In 2004 it was particularly interesting to hear an Andover prepped, Yale undergrad, Harvard Business School M.B.A., and son of a former president talk about John Kerry as being elitist. Kerry and Bush had similar backgrounds but Bush pursued policies to keep the wealth and power at the top while Kerry tried to repeal a tax cut that was very beneficial to him and his family. And speaking of his family, it was hilarious to watch conservatives attack Teresa Heinz Kerry for being rich and out of touch.  It was hilarious of course because she was the widow of former U.S. Senator H. John Heinz III (R-Pennsylvania) and she said, “those very same people never criticized my late husband for his money and his wealth…in fact they used it.”

Conservatives love free market capitalism. They suggest that the government should get out of business and let the market decide everything. Well, not quite everything. See, the conservatives are against capitalism when it is something they find immoral (Socialists!). They do not accept Larry Flynt as an American entrepreneur of the sex industry, even though he was supplying something with incredible demand. They might not accept him but they sure like to indulge in his products when they think nobody is looking…let me tell you. And what about the drug dealers? They are the hardest-core capitalists one could meet, but the conservatives want to lock them up for supplying a demand? I have a funny story about the perfect cross section of this reality. So when I was younger I knew this kid who did and sold every drug he could get his hands on, but he considered himself a conservative. He loved to listen to Rush and he thought Reagan was the best and Clinton the worst. I tried to tell him that conservatives wanted to cut off his mullet and send him to jail, but he had this crazy notion that he was a capitalist and therefor a conservative.

Religion might just be the best (worst?) example of the self-serving nature of conservatives. I think it is rather amusing that right-wing-conservative-Christians are the biggest haters of the Taliban and the Islamic Republic of Iran, aka the Islamic Right. Amusing because conservatives actually want their style of government in the United States…just with their religion of course. Conservatives want prayer in the classroom and in the courts. Conservatives want their wives to be subservient and at home. Conservatives believe that I am the Son of God and that all non-believers are destined to hell. Conservatives are religious hypocrites about violence, war, and killing just like right-wing-conservative-Muslims. So why do right wing conservative-Christians hate right-wing-conservative-Muslims?

Conservatives love to wave the flag, but they become traitriots as soon as a democrat is elected. Supporting the government was patriotic when King Dubya was destroying the Constitution (ask the Dixie Chicks), but the government is Big Brother now that Obama is president. Remember when Chicago was in the running for the Olympics and the flag-wavers were literally cheering against the US because Obama is from Chicago?


Could you imagine the conservative outrage if this were a group of liberal bloggers cheering against Texas? They would have had them locked up and tried for treason. I hate republicans with the best of them, but I still have love and respect for my country-even when they are in charge. Liberals and democrats gave Bush a chance after we were attacked on September 11th, on HIS watch, but conservatives would be quick to blame any attack during the Obama administration on democrats being pussies.

And speaking of Osama bin Laden, how did you like the muted response of the traitriot conservatives when president Obama ordered the double tap on OBL? Could you imagine if Dubya or any republican president had made such a courageous call?  Conservatives would have held mandatory recitals of The Pledge of Allegiance for the entire country.  They would have made every male wear red, white, and blue from head to toe with star-spangled-banana-hammocks in between.

Instead of jubilation they were like ho-hum, nothing to see here. They downplayed the role of the administration in the operation while giving credit to everyone from Horace Smith and Daniel Wesson, to George W. “I truly am not that concerned about him” Bush and Dick Cheney. They say that the military made the call, not Obama, and they say that anybody would have made the same call. If only we had a way to see what John McCain would have done if he were elected…

As usual I could write for days about all of the conservative hypocrisy, but I will just mention two other areas since they are currently in the news and being debated by congress. The first is war. Conservatives love war. They would support a republican administration if they wanted to go to war with Mexico or Canada, but they cannot support president Obama’s decision to use American forces in a NATO mission. Now I am against war and not particularly pleased with the decision to send our troops to Libya…because if we send them there then why not Bahrain or Syria as well? But that is me and I am a liberal-not a war mongering conservative. The same group of republicans, who gave the Bush administration carte blanche on war, does not think a democratic president has the same authority.

And last but not least I have to mention the deficit. For years republicans have been fond of saying that deficits don’t matter (“Reagan taught us that”). What they really meant to say was that deficits don’t matter when republicans are in charge. See, deficits caused by tax cuts and the unpaid wars are okay, but deficits under democratic leadership are disastrous. The conservatives are now trying to use the deficits created by Bush and the republicans as reason to roll back social programs instead of rolling back the tax cuts. Like the Apostle Ezekizzle said, conservatives are sickening but brilliant!

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus