Top 5 Arguments Made By Conservatives On The Internet

I seem to keep having the same discussions with conservatives, so I decided to just write this as a response to the 5 most common arguments made by conservatives. Since most conservatives have become political scientists as of January 2009, it is very likely that you have also encountered the following conservative arguments. They usually occur on Politico, or CNN, or some other non-Fox News source where the conservative does not know how to process actual criticism of Republicans. They literally cannot handle the truth. In response, the conservative will bring up one of the following arguments.

1. KKK, Democrats, and Robert Byrd

Every time there is an article about the KKK, or racism and politics, or a mention of current Republicans and racism, a conservative cannot resist the urge to travel back in time. The argument goes something like this…the KKK was started by Democrats and Robert Byrd was in the KKK and was a Democrat. And therefore Democrats are the actual racists. Like most conservative arguments it has a little bit of truth surrounded by years of half-truths, innuendo, and outright lies. In this case, the conservative trick is to go back 65 years when the parties, platforms, and constituents were different. What they do not want to acknowledge is that Republicans were the party of big government, the party of Lincoln, and even the party of slaves. Some Republicans were even liberal. Then with the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 white Dixiecrats left the Democrats and joined the Republicans, making what we know as the Republican base today. PolitiFact addressed the validity of this argument:


As for Robert Byrd staying a Democrat when others fled the party, it seems he was sorry and realized he was wrong, telling the Washington Post in 2005, “I know now I was wrong. Intolerance had no place in America. I apologized a thousand times . . . and I don’t mind apologizing over and over again. I can’t erase what happened.”

2. Conservative Republicans and Conservative Iranians

Conservatives are all over this current argument since Tehran Tom Cotton and his 47 saboteurs sent a letter to the Iranians. This argument, commonly found in the comment sections of any article on politics, comes down to a fundamental lack of understanding about liberals and conservatives. The argument goes something like this…since liberals support a peaceful resolution and deal with Iran, then liberals agree with (or sound like) our enemy. The only people against a deal with Iran are the conservatives…whether in Iran, or in the US, or in Israel. And the terrorists, or enemies the conservatives fear the most, are actually the most conservative. The terrorists are right wing conservatives who hate liberals…just like American conservatives. ISIS and Al Qaeda are both conservative right wing groups…they are not liberal. They do not sound like liberals and liberals definitely do not sound like them. They sound like conservatives…they sound like you.

3. The Real Jobs Numbers

It is funny how many conservative arguments are based on things that have always happened, but that they did not care about until January 2009. Presidential vacations and presidential golf are good examples of this argument, but the best example is the real jobs numbers. The argument goes something like this…whenever the jobs numbers are released with good numbers conservatives cannot wait to be the first or hundredth comment about how the jobs numbers are not, “the real jobs numbers.” If they are bad then obviously it is because of President Obama. Again, like a lot of conservative urban legends this has an ounce of truth and twenty pounds of bullshit. The little bit of truth is that the jobs numbers calculations are not completely accurate because they do not count people who have stopped looking for work. The load of bullshit is the fact that the numbers were calculated the same way when Bush and Republicans were losing 100,000+ jobs per month. Remember all of the conservative political scientists commenting on how the real jobs numbers were actually way worse than what the Bush administration was releasing? Yeah, me neither…

4. Ted Cruz For President

Only in America, and only in Republican politics, could you find such ironic justice as Ted Cruz for President. This argument is the classic case of brown American-born man is not eligible to be president, but Canadian-born Hispanic with a Cuban father is. Let me make this argument easy for you…if you think Canada Cruz can be president because his mom was a U.S. citizen…then it does not matter if President Obama was born in Mecca-he would, by the exact reasoning, also be eligible to be president because of his mom. This conservative argument basically admits that the entire Birther movement was about racism…eh!

5. But But But Soros

This conservative argument is a guaranteed response to any mention of the Koch Brothers and their purchasing of our government. Like a lot of conservative arguments this is the classic case of well it does not matter what any given Republican or conservative might be doing because surely a Democrat or a liberal has done something similar. The “I know you are but what am I?” argument goes something like this…it does not matter if the Koch Brothers own our government because, you know, George Soros gives money too. This is a common problem among conservative arguments where they cannot address the issue with a specific Republican because they always try to find an equivalent Democrat. It would not matter if Koch Industries started their own line of abortion clinics, the conservative response would immediately be, well, what about Soros and the Democrats. So in the year 2025 as we march as work slaves in the Koch States of America, in the distance, you will hear delusional Republicans still uttering but, but, but Soros…

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

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