The Gospel According To...

Republicans Continue To Crucify

Leftneck Jesus

So on the observation of my crucifixion, I would like to take a few moments to reflect on the irony of republicans, who worship me, but continue to crucify the people emulating my teachings. It just feels like they are the type who read the cliff notes but not the book. They go to church because it is the right or smart thing to do in the United States, like buying a Toyota or a Honda, not for my bleeding-heart liberal ideas. They only show up on holy days and leave right after Communion (if it is celebrated).

They pray to me for high profit margins, wealth, and power. Tight little mullet-headed preachers have convinced their sheeple that the prosperity gospel is somehow Christian. It is not! I do not care about your profit margin. I only care about your business if you are providing well paying jobs with benefits and rights. I do not want you to be rich, again-have you ever read the Bible (Matthew 19:24 & 6:24, Timothy 6:10)?

The republicans oppose me in the current debates in the congress and in the country. I’m to the left of universal healthcare. I’m still upset with President Obama for not pushing through a single payer program when democrats had control. I mean, if the Tea-Necks are going to call you a socialist, regardless of the law, you might as well get something in the deal. And just a note of warning to the Tea-Necks…do not waste your time praying to me if you get sick. You will have better luck praying to the republican leadership for some of their plush, socialistic, government healthcare.

I want cuts to defense spending and weapons systems not education and teachers. I want gays and lesbians to be able to get married and divorced…just like republicans. I want the top 1% to pay 50% in taxes…at least. I want my religion taught and observed in churches or homes not in schools or courtrooms. I want my beautiful mothers, wives, and daughters to have the same opportunities, the same pay, and the same dignity. I want the liberals, longhairs, and hippies to follow me not these conservative chode-ass republicans.

Peace be with you,

Leftneck Jesus

Tags: , , , ,

One Comment

  1. Ezekizzle says:

    And also with you. My Crizzle!

Leave a Comment

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

JesusisNOTaRepublican